


25 Things Pete is No Longer Allowed to do at the Warehouse

by fair_haven



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pete does stupid things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28266390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fair_haven/pseuds/fair_haven
Summary: "I shouldn't have had to write this down," Artie grumbled as he brought out a stack of paper.
Relationships: Myka Bering/Pete Lattimer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a list of the things someone is no longer allowed to do at a dig site. Most of the items seemed like things Pete would do. This first chapter is the prologue and the following chapter will go over most of the incidents. Like Pete touches things, I write short chapters. It's just what I do.
> 
> Many thanks to an AO3 Facebook group for helping me flesh out this idea!
> 
> All mistakes are mine! Enjoy!

“I shouldn’t have had to write this down,” Artie grumbled as he brought out a stack of paper.

“No one made you,” Pete Lattimer said with his arms crossed, “It’s pointless really. I never make the same mistake twice,”

Everyone in the room stared at him.

“You bronzed me twice,” Steve Jinks broke the silence.

“Well, the first time was because Myka and I were under the influence of those juggling balls. And the second time was,” He tried to remember what the second time was, “The second time was because I thought you were Lamplighter from The Boys because I was under the influence of Orson Wells’ microphone,”

“Which is number 4 on my list. Would you like to know what else is on my list?”

“I want to,” Myka declared and Pete knew he was probably going to be in big trouble later.

“Number 1 there is to be no licking of any artifact,” Artie recited.

“It was the pole from A Christmas Story. How could I not?”

“Why would you put your tongue on something that is known for someone getting their tongue stuck to it?” Claudia asked.

“Moving on,” Artie turned back to his list, “Number 2 Abraham Lincoln’s hat is not to be worn by any agent at any time,”

“Is Mrs. Frederick still mad about that? It was like 10 years ago,”

“She’s Mrs. Frederick she can be mad as long as she wants. Number 3, the original can of whup-as is not to be opened under any circumstances,”

“That’s not fair because I didn’t actually open it,” Pete elaborated, “I threw it,”

“And it hurt like hell,” Steve idly rubbed the spot on his head where the tin can had made contact.

“Again thought you were Lamplighter,”

“I don’t look anything like Lamplighter,” Steve crossed his arms.

“In the comics no, but in the show-”

“Number 6,” Artie raised his voice, “Nothing in the Warehouse is to be called your ‘little friend’,”

“Now you’re just being a poopy-pants,’

“That’s actually Steve’s nickname,” Claudia pointed out as Steve rolled his eyes at her.

“Number 7. Thomas Jefferson’s swivel chair is not to be used as a mode of transportation,”

“No fun. No fun at all,”

“Oh, the fun is just beginning!” Artie declared in a way that made Pete certain that there was going to be no fun whatsoever involved.

  
  
  
  



	2. Licking Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. There is to be no licking of any artifact at any time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> All mistakes are mine, except for the licking that's all Pete.
> 
> Enjoy!

“I think this is my favorite aisle in the whole Warehouse!” Myka announced as she entered the Christmas aisle with Pete. As usual, the ground was covered with snow and lights twinkled all around. 

“I thought that was the book section,” Pete replied as he looked around, “But doesn’t it seem strange to do inventory here in the summer?”

“Okay, one of my favorite sections of the Warehouse,” Myka corrected herself, “I think it’s even better when it’s not Christmas because you aren’t being bombarded by it everywhere you go,”

“That makes sense actually,” 

“Okay,” Myka looked down at the iPad, the new high tech way to do inventory, “First we have Rudolph’s nose,”

Pete scanned shelves until he saw the small red and round object that had caused so much trouble their second Christmas at the Warehouse, “Present and accounted for,”

She checked that off and then moved down to the next item, “The flagpole from A Christmas Story,”

“We have that?” He looked around the aisle wondering how he could’ve missed a giant metal pole from one of his favorite Christmas movies.

“Since 1986 according to this,”

He finally spotted it near the end aisle, tucked in right against the shelves, “Hey Mykes, do you think it works like the one they used for the movie?”

“I think we need to finish this,” Myka looked back down at the iPad, “Next is the original tinsel,”

He put his hand on the pole and it wasn’t even cold. It actually felt like plastic. He started to walk away but turned back. 

It was just supposed to be a quick lick to see what would happen, but as soon as his tongue touched the pole it got stuck. 

“Pete we need to get this done!” He put both hands on the pole and tried to use his weight as leverage, but it didn’t work, “Pete?”

“Pete!” She finally noticed he was preoccupied and ran over, “Seriously?! What were you thinking?!”

He attempted an answer, but it came out as gibberish.

“That’s easy! You never think before you do these things,” She set the iPad down on a nearby shelf, “Now I can’t just pull you off because I don’t want to rip your tongue off,” Pete was 100% behind the idea of his tongue not being ripped, “Maybe neutralizer will be enough to get your tongue free if I spray it directly on your tongue,”

Pete tried to voice his protests, but it was just gibberish. That stuff tasted horrible.

After what seemed like hours, Myka came back with one of the sprayers.

“Ready?” No, he wasn’t ready for his mouth to be assaulted with that nasty purple stuff, but he was ready to get his tongue off the pole. It was extremely uncomfortable and he was parched.

The purple stuff hit him right on his mouth and was just as awful as he remembered, but he was able to get his tongue off. 

“Are you okay?” She asked as she set the sprayer down.

“I’m fine,” The awful taste was still in his mouth, but there was cream soda in the Pete cave.

“Good. Just no more licking anything, okay?” Myka told Pete in her nagging tone that he secretly loved,

“Can I lick you?”

She punched him in the shoulder.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! My goal is to have the next chapter out by Thursday!


End file.
